Eternals: An Eternal Disgrace

Hey Movie Fans.

Why don't we talk about the Elephant in the room.

The most recent digital release of the most polarizing Marvel Cinematic Universe film of the past year, Chloé Zhao's Eternals has lead to an influx of even more contrasting opinions of the film, and today I'm here to share mine.

I think the title of this article should make it pretty obvious that this is a Roast, but I'll just go ahead to say it bluntly.

Eternals, whilst having a powerful ensemble cast, a recently Oscar-awarded director and MCU tier visuals, still somehow ended up being one of the worst comic book films to ever come out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

I know a bunch of you may not agree with this, so I'll try to keep this review short and straightforward so you can easily see and understand why I see this movie as a colossal disappointment.

First of all, it's only proper to give the film credit where it's due before feasting on its shortcomings.

The visuals were Fantastic, and this shouldn't be anything surprising given where it's coming from. Top quality visual editing seem to be a pre-requisite for any MCU production, and this movie showed that in literal flying colours with it's alluring power displays and stunning fight sequences. The cinematography was beautiful and the score wasn't anything exceptional but just good enough.

Given the experience all these would create, it's honestly understandable for fans who saw this on the big screen to have it in high regards.

Now let's dive right into the litter, shall we.

This film was an utter disaster in terms of writing.

The MCU and Chloe Zhao tried to pull off an "Avengers Assemble" with a union of god-like characters we've never seen before, and didn't even have the decency to give them proper introductions in regards to their origins, power descriptions, aims and ambitions before jumping into the action and edgy bullshit.

I think they forgot that what made The Avengers truly a memorable experience was the fact that the characters in play there already had their origin stories told in preceeding movies or were at least brought in with proper introductory scenes to make them proper characters in the grand scheme of things.

Eternals brought together a team of unfamiliar entities whilst making no efforts to properly justify their existence as characters beyond it's half-assed mythology, leaving fans who aren't conversant with the Eternals comics unable to properly understand these beings or even at least get a clear picture of their powers.

The Characterization was extremely poor, and regardless of the fact that these characters were considered gods, the efforts made in productions related to mythology such as Thor, Loki and even The Fate Series, to lay down a proper  character foundation for these god-like beings make the difference between a top quality cinematic production and glorified garbage.

At least Mini Character-arcs and proper introductory scenes for each character would've made a huge difference as it did in the Zack Snyder's Justice League which made its 4 hour long run a lot more fulfilling than the 2 and a half hour run of the Eternals.

This is pretty much one of the most Superficial comic book cinematic movies out there. Nothing felt Impactful, not even character deaths or attempted emotional backdrops. The first two acts of the movie felt all but depressingly drawn out and unalluring, filled with dense mythology, heavy information dumps and a lot of cliché dialogues packed with stupidly forced humor, which all resulted from that very problem of bland character writing.

The third act of the film was more action-centric, and while delivering a visually stunning final confrontation, left little to no effect in terms of thematic-intensity. With the plot feeling like something a child could come up with while playing with toy soldiers and the non-existent character development, even with all their cool and stylish displays, I honestly could care less about whether any of the characters lived or died, because I wasn't given a reason to.

There were a lot of poor decisions that lead to this movie being a failure, a lot of unnecessary and badly executed scenes and a lot of ways this movie would've been a lot better.

Eternals felt more like a stand-alone film, given its lack of ties to the other MCU productions beyond the little spoofs made by the characters about MCU events and the obligatory post-credits scene, and I honestly thank God for that. Can't help but wonder how it'd have soiled any of the already renowned works or characters if it got mixed up with them.

It's honestly a sad thing this movie turned out this way and it'd have been a lot better if it handled a lot of it's creative elements better and created a more suitable introduction to the immortal gods of the MCU.

Perhaps if the Eternals story were released as a fleshed out Disney+ Tvshow, it'd have had more room to properly develop it's characters, explore and clarify the mythological aspects of the plot and been an overall better production, Instead being adapted into a rushed, bombarded movie.

This movie is an embarrassment not only to the Marvel Cinematic Universe but to the Oscar-winning director Chloé Zhao who finally made her big break in the movie Industry the preceeding year with her Best-Picture winning masterpiece, Nomadland.

I honestly wished the movie turned out better, and it's with a heavy heart that I give it a 4/10 and crown it not only the undisputed Worst Comic Book Movie of 2021 but one of the Worst MCU Movies Ever.

Wheeew

It's been a really fun review of the newest shit-storm I set my eyes upon, and I'm sure you guys have A LOT to say about this film, as well as this review.

Leave those thoughts in the comment section.

Stay Safe guys.